Hello, lovely humans. Pull up a chair and get cozy for this heartfelt episode of Create the Space with Cody Maher. I’m so happy to share this nourishing conversation with self-worth coach and real-life pattern-breaker, Nikki McMillan. Trust me, you’ll want a notebook nearby for all the wisdom-nuggets that tumble out! Nikki’s journey is not your typical “overnight transformation” story. It’s layered—raw at the roots, radiant at the edges. She holds nothing back, sharing how she moved from a turbulent childhood (think: lots of houses, not enough stability) to hustling her way up the mortgage world ladder at just 19, always chasing that elusive feeling of enoughness. Spoiler alert: success and self-worth aren’t the same thing… and Nikki’s lived both sides of that truth. We get into the nitty-gritty of breaking generational cycles (yep, the stuff that hides in your bones and buttons), finding love after years of toxic patterns, and the next-level healing that motherhood brings—especially when your own little one starts echoing moments from your past. If you’ve ever caught yourself people-pleasing, self-abandoning, or freezing up around crunchy conversations (hello, boundaries!), you are so heard here. There’s laughter, there’s realness, and there’s permission to own your story, mess and all. Nikki talks about the power of actually having those “uncomfortable conversations” you’d usually sprint from, and how that honest discomfort is the birthplace of actual, embodied confidence (not just the Instagram kind). Her approach to coaching is all about practical magic: baby-step commitments, gentle journaling, and showing up for your inner little one with as much care as you would a best friend. Bonus: If you’re curious about her signature program, “A Confident Woman Unleash,” we peek behind the curtain and see how Nikki guides women from stuck to self-possessed. Think: pattern-spotting, story-mapping, and actionable tools that feel like soul vitamins. This episode is an invitation—a reminder that your “mess” might just be the opening act for your honest, luminous comeback. Healing is not about being perfect; it’s about being present, playful, and willing to try again (with kindness). So, whether you’re a mama, a pattern-breaker, or just someone craving a little more courage, come get inspired. And if you want more Nikki in your life (trust me, you do), all her links, her YouTube channel, and her community are waiting for you in the show notes. Here’s to making space for what really matters—and loving yourself all the way. With a full heart, Cody
Subscribe to her YouTube channel and visit her website to explore the various opportunities to work with her. Your journey toward self-worth and self-care begins here.
Hey friends. Welcome back. I know it's been a little while, forgive me. As I work on getting my podcast production flow flowing, you know what I mean? Just me here doing all the things. So anyway, I'm so happy to be with you today and I am so happy for you to listen to this conversation that I had what feels like so long ago. It was, it was in the spring with this beautiful, beautiful human that I'm so happy to be connected to. Nikki McMillan is her name and she helps women rediscover their self worth, prioritize guilt free self care, set boundaries with confidence. I can attest that she can do that really well and break the cycle of toxic relationships for good. Her YouTube channel is the best place to connect with her and it serves as a go to space for real and raw conversations, healing tools and inner work that truly transforms your life from the inside out. So if you're ready to stop people pleasing, raising my hand really high on that one, start honoring yourself and embrace the version of you that feels safe, seen and strong. You are going to appreciate Nikki's videos and unique coaching style and all that she shares in this conversation. I will put all the links to connect with her when you are done because you're going to want to to her YouTube channel to get on her mailing list to follow along. I was also on her YouTube channel back in May and I would love for you to listen to that as well. So without further blabbering on from yours truly, please enjoy this conversation with my dear new friend, Nikki. Hi, Nikki. Hi. I'm so happy to have you. Thanks so much for taking some time and, and being here today. Yeah, well, thanks for having me on today. As I told you before we hopped on, this is one of my first podcasts. You know, first time in almost six years. So I'm excited and a little nervous. But I think the just our conversation, I have a good feeling that it's going to be good today. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I'm sure I'll make you comfortable because people tell me I'm good at that. So anyway, enough about me. So tell me about you. I want to know where you're talking to us from. Yeah, like just the basic generals about who you are in your life right now. Sure, sure. Okay. So I am here in Baltimore, Maryland. Been in Baltimore for many, many years. I grew up in Maryland and then moved here to the city, I would say. Let's see some. I'm almost 41 and I think I moved out here around 19 or 20 I've been with my partner for almost 10 years. We have a two and a half year old together, Sasha, who just side note, hasn't been sleeping very well at all for the last two nights, so some sleep deprivation going on here. I like to say that I am a self worth and confidence coach for women. It's like a life coach, but it's deeper than that. I focus a lot on the self worth aspect and confidence aspect, and that's been my women's work for the last almost seven years and. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure we'll dive in further. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I, you know, we have a lot in common, actually. Age, baby's age. And that's really interesting because it's often people that are a little younger than us that have the young ones, so. I know. Well, I. I had heard on one of your podcasts that you did before. I think it was a podcast you had shared your age and, like, you had your child in your. In your 40s. Yes, I'm 43. I had her at 41. Yeah. Okay. So she's around two. Two and a half. She'll be two in a few weeks. Yeah. Okay. Y. I find that to be very inspiring because we want to try and go for a second as well. So. I don't know. I think this is like the trend right now, having babies in your 40s for some odd reason. Yeah, I mean, I hear you. And I also think it's just a lot of conditioning. Right. Like. Fertility is actually so much broader than what people give it credence. Like, people simplify it so much, and it's like there's so much that goes into it. So I am a champion for any women that wants to conceive. That feels like there's things stacked against her because I had a lot stacked against me. And we also want to have another baby, too, and I'm 40. I'll be 44 in a few weeks. Well, no, a few months. So. Yeah, I just, I really think that's part of. Part of what I'm here to share is just like, possibility. Right. Anyway, this isn't about me, but I wanted to say that I appreciate that in you and thanks for sharing that. So, look, I'm sure you didn't go from, like, you know, high school to supporting women in their confidence and the deeper work. Right. So I really think it's, you know, I think I would love to know about sort of how you got there and what sort of brought you to where you are today. Yeah. Sure, absolutely. I mean, my journey, I'll like, it's. I can explain, I'll explain it pretty like exactly what happened. But my journey, I mean, I was called to do this, heal from your past, rediscover your self worth and your confidence and create a fulfilling and authentic life on your terms. That's like my, what do you call it? Like my subtitle right underneath, you know, life coach. But it's, you know, very sad. Childhood growing up, you know, came from an upbringing of mom and dad who were always struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, had three children. This is no longer a secret, so I'll share this. So my siblings were all a year and a half apart, but we found out that my brother has a different father than us just like five years ago. So that was a lifelong secret. Which is wild that, you know, my mom didn't care to share that. But now like my brother and my sister and I, we kind of laugh about it like, oh, what's up half sister? What's up half brother. So we can like, you know, make, make fun and joke. Because honestly, we've all been on our healing journey. But you know, growing up, it was shuffle back and forth from home to home. If we weren't with mom, like if dad was in jail, we were with mom or with, if mom was in rehab or jail, we were with dad. Then, you know, if social services were being called, then grandma and grandpa would come in, we would stay with them. We never had a home longer than two years because we would get evicted or rent wasn't being paid or it would go up. So just very in consistent. Right. Growing up. And you can imagine what that can do to the psyche. Right. Of, of a, of a young brain in, in that development. Not enough. Not lovable. Nobody wants me. Can't trust anybody. Right. My mom and dad's relationship was never healthy from, you know, from the jump. And you know, dad was never there, didn't pay child support. So imagine, you know, young women and even my brother, you know, he wasn't the best husband. He's doing great now, but he wasn't the best for his family when he first started out. But like my sister and I struggled with men sex early on, trying to get like neglect ourselves, abandoned ourselves, do things we weren't ready to do, just to have attention from a guy. Right. So like that has been the journey since young, young age. Yeah. Like going from middle school into high school. May I speak for myself? I lost my virginity at a very young age. And, and you know, Looking for love and attention in all the wrong places. And that was my story up until it wasn't 10 years ago. Nine, 10 years ago to where I'm like, I can't keep repeating the same pattern of this dating talk, you know, toxic manipulation, pain. I'm sure someone might be able to relate to this. Have you ever had, I don't know if you know or maybe you listening right now, listeners, have you ever been to an extent, that you wanted love and affection and attention so bad that to make him stay, you would actually pay his bills before your own? Right. Fall behind on your car payment, not pay your credit cards? I mean, that's how bad it was, that's how terrible it was. And you know, so that's been like part of the journey. But surprisingly, like, here's one of like the, I would say, quote unquote, I'm doing, you know, and you can see me in the zoom. She's doing air quotes. Yeah, they're doing air quotes. But I, you know what, like this hardship and this adversity growing up, you know, one of the, I guess you could say blessings or good things that came from it was you've learned how to do whatever it takes to get what you want, get what you need, and in this way to prove your worth and value. And this is something that, I mean, sort like me and even my siblings, we have worked so, so hard to prove ourselves and to find worthiness through success. So I became successful at a very young age, like after I graduated college. I, I, I'll say I, I want to share this piece too, because I'm actually, it's coming up more. I probably now that have a daughter, I'm like, oh my God. Like I have to, it's a whole another level of doing my healing work now. Yeah. But you know, I got kicked out of high school two weeks before graduation because I did it, I stopped going to class. So I got expelled, kicked out, couldn't graduate on stage because I stopped going to class because my teacher was sexually harassing me and he ended up reporting me not showing up to class. And I get kicked out when he's the one who is the like sexual harasser here, like the, the offender. But I never would say anything because who's going to believe me, right. I was sexually active young, in high school, kind of had that reputation. No one's going to believe me. Right, right. So going through that experience and then, you know, I ended up getting my high school diploma, went to summer school, went into community college and Then I started telemarketing at a mortgage company in their basement, doing very well, generating leads and business for. For this guy's company. I did so good. He ended up hiring. He ended up giving me the opportunity of, hey, do you want to interview and hire other people to telemarket and produce leads for the loan officers? I'm like, yeah. So I ended up killing it in that. So that was like a summer job. I never went back to school. I got promoted to be a mortgage broker, and I started making almost six figures at 19, 20 years old. Wow. So I'm like, well, why the heck would I go back to school? That must have messed you up, actually, a little bit. Well, in a way, because I was getting attention and approval and praise and recognition from the majority of the office of this company was men. I finally was getting what, you know, like, more praise as I was older and seeing my worth and my value in that. And, yeah, I mean, it was like, finally I'm. I'm worthy. And that set off. That set me off to. I mean, there's a whole bunch of other stories. I'm not going to go in, like, all the details because I want to get into, you know, some other questions and things to talk about here. But, I mean, from 20 to 30, it was work, work, work, no sleep. You know, that sleep until you die thing was gaining weight, develop chronic back pain, face all red, breaking out all the time. You know, same terrible relationship patterns, dating men that were not good. And it has, you know, just been an identity. So I. How I got into this work to, like, bring this full circle. I came to the age of 30. I'm like, I can't keep living this way. The money and the success is not making me feel the way that I thought it was going to make me feel like I'm still unhappy, profoundly unhappy. So that's not it. What am I not seeing here? I need some help here. I reached burnout, and I was like, I. I stopped working for a little bit. I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do. And then I came across. Have you heard of Christine Hassler? Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I came across her podcast. Started listening to her, doing her courses, doing our group monthly calls, and worked, you know, with. With her within her work for about a year. And I'm like, well, I think I can. And I changed my life. Ended up meeting the love of my life not long after. My partner now, Andre, Ukrainian, sexy Ukrainian guy. I think I need to work on being nicer to him. And I try to sabotage that relationship the first two years because I thought there was a hidden agenda. Right. What is it? Trust him? Yes. There's. There's got to be something here like this. Love doesn't just come freely. It doesn't come with the strings. There's. There's got to be something here. Does he want a green card? What is it? What's happening? He got his green card on his own. We're actually not legally married. We're. We're life partners. But I say husband because I just do. It just comes out, and he's still here through all my stuff. But I had. So how I started doing the work that I'm doing now, helping women heal from their past, break generational patterns, just break patterns of habits and behaviors and actions and responding and doing things that are. That may very well help them before get to where they need to get to, but that's no longer serving them today. And they're realizing that that's. That's the journey I take my clients on in. In my signature program, a confident woman unleash. And, you know, I'm not a therapist. Right. I teach a lot from my own personal experience and then just actually, you know, walking my talk. And. Yeah, I mean, I'm like. I like if. If Christine helped me completely transform my life and help me get everything I want. You know, my life's not perfect, right. There's still stress. There's still stuff, but I literally feel the way that I've been wanting to feel for over 30 years. Right. And it's been pretty consistent. Like, I feel worthy. I feel enough. We've talked about it before. I know I now know how to speak up and advocate for myself when I feel like something's out of alignment or I just want to express an emotion. But, yeah, I can keep, like, you know, going on. But I mean, you know, I want this to be like, you ask me questions, too. I'll talk for it for days. Well, thank you so much for sharing where you come from. And I think, you know, I like to work with people that are not just coming from a studied experience. Right. Like, that's important wisdom, but wisdom. This is what I want to say. Wisdom usually isn't gained from just knowledge. Right. Wisdom is gained from experience. And so I think it's so powerful to share your story. And I'm sure there's people out there that are going to resonate with that. Maybe they've had similar experiences or parallel experiences. You know, I certainly have not the same story very different story. But pain to purpose, right? It's. Yeah, it's important. And I think there are a lot of us in this generation. You and I happen to be in the same generation, and I think we're pattern breakers. I really do. Like, I think, you know, whether we come from such a clear example as yours, right. Like you are, it's a very clear breaking of a pattern. Right. Or it's a little more muddy and a little more. I think a lot of us came here at this time because we wanted the line. And it's so interesting that we both have daughters, right? Because we wanted our souls, our spirits. We're ready. We're strong enough to break something that probably couldn't have been broken for a really long time. Who knows? Right. Especially in other dimensions. We don't have to go there, but, you know, so now I'm really curious to hear, sort of. I want to get deeper into, like, the specifics of the work you do, but we have time, so. So right now I'm so curious, because motherhood. Motherhood, especially experiencing what you have experienced. I'll just speak from my own experience. Like, I came in cocky, right? I was a cocky pregnant person. So cocky. Really? Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna be tired. I'm used to getting up, and I've dealt with pain and blah, blah, blah. Motherhood was like, you're so sweet. Little girl on your butt, you know, like, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm exaggerating because I'm a dramatic person. That's part of my personality, Right. I'm always here to entertain and to, you know, all those things. So, of course, I wasn't, like, super cocky, wasn't rocking around saying these things, but I thought a lot of those things, right? Like, oh, here's the bassinet that my daughter will sleep in through the night, and da, da, da, da, da. I know. You know, blah, blah, blah. My daughter still sleeps with us. Like, she's been in bed since day zero. You know, all of these things that, like, you know, labor was ridiculous, all of this stuff. So the reason I'm saying all that is I'm so curious how that's coming out for you. Like, what are you facing as a mom to a toddler? Yeah. Toddler girl. Toddler girl. Yeah. Yeah. And I just want to apologize. You had asked me, tell me a little bit about you, where you're from, and I went into my whole life story. Oh, no, no, you did. You said Baltimore, Maryland. It's perfect. No, my. My first time, you know, New to podcasting Nurse. Oh, you're doing great. You're doing great. Yeah. You know, I'll give you. So I have a very fresh example I can share with you. I mean, it's like, you know, first I want to preface this. It's like you can do like, I've been coaching women for seven years and I do own that I am good at it. I do own that I'm good at coaching, meaning asking relevant questions, uncomfortable questions, but coming from a come from of safety and compassion and in love to where I can ask these deep questions and to help people, like, lead them to their answers, get out of their comfort zone. And. And I've been doing that work. Right. And this has to do with the cockiness of becoming a mother later in life. In your 40s. I. I'm working on deeper levels now of my human journey since I had a daughter. I wonder if having a boy would have been different. But all of my childhood. Not all of it, but there are some childhood moments coming up now to where I'm like, oh, so, like, for example, yesterday. So my husband, he is, he is a landscape architect, does beautiful European design stuff. I mean, you would love it with your. Yeah, just beautiful gardens, beautiful walls, waterfalls, ponds, all of this, a beautiful planting design, all these things. It's the season where at the time we're recording this, April. Yeah. And he's busy. Yeah. And he's in high demand. And so he's working seven days a week. And I understand that, I get that. But like our agreement on Saturday and Sunday, like, I know you need to work a little bit, but let's like, go early, leave around 6, 7, so you can be home by 10 and we can do our family stuff. So yesterday, which was Sunday, he, we, we had called him. I was like, hey, just checking in, you know, when are you going to be home? And he told me it was supposed to be like within a half hour. Half hour, 45 minutes. And you know, we were FaceTiming on the phone. I'm showing Sasha, we're like, daddy's gonna come home, take you to the playground. Because she loves to go to the playground. Daddy. So she got her little, her new shoes, her. Her cute little new pink shoes on. And she was getting her shirt on. She likes this, like, she wears like, she, I don't want to say she's like tomboy, but she like, likes the pink, likes the green, likes the blue, like all of this stuff, but she likes to get dressed. So she had her favorite outfit on her new Shoes. She had her ice pop. And she's like, you know, daddy, you know, let's go to the playground. So Daddy's gonna come home and take you to the playground, honey, because, you know, Mommy was up all night from midnight to 7, so mommy's gonna take a break and you and daddy are gonna have some daddy daughter time. Daddy's gonna be here very soon. And he. He didn't. He wasn't home within a half hour. It was like an hour and a half. And she's sitting by the window. We were talking. We're having fun. But she was saying, daddy's. Daddy's truck. Daddy's truck. Daddy's coming home. Said, no, honey, that's not Daddy's truck. That's the other. You know, that's her neighbor's truck over there. And she kept saying it. She's waiting by the window, waiting, waiting, waiting. And I got so emotional and triggered. I wasn't like crying with her, but I was boiling Cody and stuff. Yeah. Because it reminded me of when we were sitting, waiting for dad, who never showed. Just never showed. No call, nothing. Nothing. And I'm like, you know, stuff like that now is what's coming up. Yeah, that makes so much sense. Yeah. So that's a fresh example. And, you know, we. I put Sasha, you know, to bed that night where she slept for an hour before she was up again all night. But we really talked about it. And I explained to him, you know, what I just explained to you guys here and. Or to hear. And we've got some new boundaries and priorities and values that are getting enforced starting today. Yeah. We're showing up nine times out of 10 because we've got to leave room for human error. Yeah. We're all humans. We're all messed up. These are going to happen. But it can't be. It can't be late. It can't be a pattern. Yeah. It can't be. Five to six times out of 10, that's unacceptable. But we could do nine, you know, eight. Eight. Nine times out of 10. But it's like when you say you're going to show up and do something, you got to do it. Yeah. And that's the stuff I've been working through since, you know, really since she's been like one and a half, two. Yeah. It's changed. It changes. Right. Like I. And it's so interesting because you can read all the books and, like, think about all the ways and how you're going to be and you're not going to do this thing that your mom did or your dad did. And then, like, in the moment, it's so weird. It's almost like this primitive part of the brain just takes over, right? Because we're stressed in these stressful moments, and this primitive part of the brain takes over. And for me, it's like I've heard myself say something that I said I wasn't going to say or feel something that I said I wasn't going to feel, right? And maybe not to the extent. Like, I'm also very hard on myself, right? I want to be perfect. I'm working on that. But especially in motherhood. But. But. But it's crazy. Like, it's crazy that today, I'll give you a quick example, and then we move on. But, like, she doesn't have a lot of meltdowns, my daughter, but she does have them. She's two, right? And she was super tired. It was right before nap time, and she was just lost it and would not put a diaper on. Like, absolutely not. And I just. At one point, I kept breathing. I stayed calm, but I did not know what to do. Like, I did not know what to do. And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna threaten her? No, I don't want to threaten her. Like, these are the things that are happening in my mind, right? Anyway, so it's super interesting because our daughters and our sons, I'm sure we don't have sons, so we can't speak to that. But they bring out. They bring. It's an opportunity, right? It's an opportunity. And it's. I think it's so beautiful and cool and amazing because you, both of us, and hopefully lots of other women have done work before becoming parents. And now we have an opportunity not to be perfect parents, but to at least be present and acknowledge what's happening for us as we're going through this. So thank you so much for sharing that, because it's really beautiful. So you just brought up something that I already knew about you and that I thought was like a superpower of yours. So I want to know a little bit more about this, and I want to know how it plays into your work with women, because uncomfortable conversations, I'm sure going to your partner with that, especially since it was triggering for you, wasn't, like, the easiest thing to do. So we can get into what I'm speaking of, because I know you know what I'm speaking of or not, but I do really think it's so important to talk about what I'm identifying in You. And you can confirm or deny as a superpower, which is having uncomfortable conversations. Yeah, yeah. Cody, you know, I never like. I 1. I like that you're saying superpower, like that feels good and it's nice to see. It's nice to have someone mirror something to you. Like say something. You're like, oh, okay, that's a new thought in, you know, something. I've never thought about it like that. Like uncomfortable conversations. And you say that and it's. I like, I like my body kind of lit up a bit and it's like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah, I, that's. I do that. I know I don't know you very well, but I know you do. Yeah. I mean that, that is like, that's like my signature. That, that's what I'm like just having an aha moment right now. Is that is. That's like one of my signature or like you would say super, you know, superpowers. Yeah. I mean, but wait, what was the question about that? I know, I know. Just talk to me about how you got there because. Oh yeah, I think, you know, just from a, just a different perspective, I think this is so powerful. Right. Like there's a lot of people out there that are coaching, right? Tons. So what I always want to know is like, what sets this person apart? And personally, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, if someone could help me learn how to have these conversations that would be hugely beneficial to my entire life. Because I'll give you an example I have. I love the person that helps with Montana part time. Love her, she's amazing. But there's certain things she does that I don't love and I am terrible at talking to her about it. Like, it's so simple. It's like, hey, don't feed her this, this and this. But something in me is just like, eh, no thanks, Dee Dee, Dee, Dee Dee. I'll just like deal with it. Right. And I, I'm guessing that that wouldn't be what you did, so. Yeah, yeah. So I think there's a lot of us out there that are people, you know, we're covering or in the people pleasing or just all of that stuff. Right. So I think it's just hugely beneficial to hear if that was always how you were, how you got there and like how that's a part of your work. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, Good question. And I'll ask you, you know, maybe, you know, if you feel comfortable. But I, I think one of the big pieces of how I Even knew that I had permission. Right. To ask an uncomfortable question or had to have an uncomfortable conversation is one of the things that Christine Hassler coaches on and she talked a lot about in our monthly coaching calls and just in our courses is. Okay, so when you would have an uncomfortable conversation or when you would confront somebody or ask a question that you wanted to get more, you know, information on and they were upset, like. Like what? Like doing that. That fear of doing that, not wanting to do it, or that discomfort. She would ask me, well, who does that remind you of? Or what does that remind you of? Oh, I know my answer. What is it? It's my father. I mean, my father was a lawyer. And so you better have a good argument. Oh, yeah. Against that guy. Right? And then to be, you know, and I watched him. If he didn't like something, he left. Like, he would just leave. And we didn't know if he would when he was coming. I mean, he's always coming back maybe. But I was little, so what did I know? You know? So, yeah, it's a really good question. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, like he would leave, right? And it could be, I mean, this, maybe this will resonate or not. I'm just like thinking about this. It's like, okay, are you afraid your name is going to quit and then you're not gonna have any help at all? Right. Is she gonna get offended? Oh, I can't make it today. You know what I mean? Like, and you know that that may not happen, right? That's not a logical thing. But that is. Could be a deep seated, subconscious rooted programming there. Totally. I mean, that was it for me. When I would have an uncomfortable conversation before and which is why I didn't have it for so long, was the passive aggressive behavior. I would get in trouble, you would leave. My mom would leave the room when I asked her, hey, mom, can I have a sip of your drink? No, no, no, Go get your. I'm like, no, I don't want. I just want to sit and be raided. Yelled at because there was beer in there, right? She was in this program and she was supposed to be drinking. Asked for a sip, berated, yelled at, leave. Same with my sister, you know, when we had our trauma as siblings, when I would ask her something about some, you know, something, and she would get up from coffee and just storm out and leaving the Starbucks all by myself. And like, people are looking like, whoa, what just happened? So always a scene was made. Something I did or what I'm asking or doing is wrong, right? Or I'm not going to be accepted anymore. So that was something I'm just reflecting back on. That is a lot of, you know, that's a breakthrough I had with my life coach, Christine. And the thing is, if we can get over that hurdle, because we're making, like, what we. A lot. And this is, I think, more so a women thing. I mean, that's like a general statement, but I think there's a lot of truth in it. With women, it's like, no, be light, get along. Don't rock the boat. Make it simple. Make things easy. Like, don't question. Just like, be. Be. Be the good girl. Be nice. There's a lot of that in there. Don't be too much. And. But, like, how. Like, how was that working for me? Or how was that working for you? Who's listening now? Like, how's that working out for you? Your kids eating things you don't want her to. It's driving you crazy, right? You know? Yeah. It's like there's. There's going to be a pushback. Yeah. I think, you know, that's a light example. You know, there's people that are. I'm using a light example because it's helpful, but that there's a lot deeper things with that. Yeah. And in it, like, another thing is that I've learned and that I really try and, you know, lovingly and just. It's a constant reminder. I'm like, sometimes in my coaching calls and all my retreats with my clients, I'm like, they. They just need to be reminded. A lot of. It's the same subseam topics. And one of a common thing that comes up with all my clients is you're not responsible, nor can you control how someone's going to respond to you respectfully asking a question that is very important to you or advocating for yourself in a respectful, rounded way. Yeah. Like in that call with our coach and. But how did you get here, Nikki? Because this is the thing that I find so interesting. Right. Like, what you were just speaking about. One of the things you said was like, there's a deeply rooted subconscious program. Right. Those weren't your exact words, but you know what I mean. And I know that sometimes, most of the time, sometimes talking about something can shift something, but most of the time it takes more than that. So I'm curious the type of work like, that you do with women or that you did with yourself to actually make it. You feel safe enough. Because really we're talking about safety. Yes. Do that. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So it's being committed to just a few things here. It's being committed to getting outside of your comfort zone every day, like doing things that you don't want to do, going through the discomfort of doing that and knowing that at. On the other end, you are building your confidence and sense of self trust and safety each time. And it's being okay with failing a ton. And I, And I say this because, like, and it's being okay. I think it's just having, like, experiences. It's learning how to really just like, like up a lot and then get to get to a point to where like, oh, I'm still alive and I can be a victim to these f ups to these failures and a victim to. Okay, I didn't finish everything on my to do list. Oh, you know, I feel bad. Or what's wrong with me? Or you just, you. You keep just getting back up and doing it, you know, like, I've made some bad business decisions in the past. I filed bankruptcy. I felt so much shame about that for a long time. And I was telling my coach and she was like, you're making this. Bankruptcy means something about you. It's an event. It's what happened. The market crash in a way. And now I. And I've recovered. Right, right. You know, it was just having conversations. I think being in sales is also helpful because I was in mortgage banking and life insurance sales and ton of rejection there. But. And you know, just like in my personal life, I'm like, well, with uncomfortable conversations, like with men, you know, that I would date or, you know, family. Right. Those weird conversations are in the holidays or get together. I'm like, well, I already don't feel seen supported anyway. So I. I'm. I already don't feel loved. So why don't I start loving myself and my inner child and stop abandoning her and let's see what happens there. But I didn't do it alone, though. Cody. Yeah. I've had a, like a coach for years. I've been in Christine Hassell's world for years, in other coaches and mentors. Right. Of course. I've just. Have always had a guiding hand. I think we always need a guiding hand, you know, whether there's like periods where you're walking with just you and whatever power you believe in or, you know, coaches. But yeah, I think you said something super powerful. A couple, like super powerful things, which is like. Yeah. That willingness to just fall and get back up and not to make so much meaning out of it. Right. Like that's something that I've been struggling with for over a decade, which is, you know, I don't know how much of my story. You know, but part of my story is that I lost my entire large intestine when I was 33. And that's. No, I did not know that. Yeah. A story for another time. But, you know, it's a. It. That one's a little convoluted. Right. Because, like, there's actual. But not really, because there's repercussions to everything that happens in our lives. Right. And it's like, okay, we can either spend the rest of our lives identifying with that, and it's interesting, right? Because you know that you didn't know that about me, so you know that I don't lead with that. Right. It's not hard to find. Like, you could find it if you went on a deep dive. But it. I don't identify as someone that has a chronic illness. I don't identify as someone that has lost, you know, lost something. Right. Like, that's just not how I'm choosing to live my life. And that was a purposeful decision. So I think, you know, what you're saying is so powerful. It's like, we have to just take these actions and also decide that we're not going to be a victim to our circumstances or our life. Mm, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, like. Right, so. So it's like something. Two things are probably cliche. I don't know, maybe this might be the first time someone hears it. If you're listening, you never know. One, One, like, your mess is your message. Right. So I really believe that I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm my. Let me. This is my story. This is like. This is. This is powerful. And I just. I've seen it just based on the coaching practice I built. Yeah. And then two. I don't know who this comes from, but it's like, choose your heart. So if you want to stay in that victim mentality and, like, really feeling deck is stacked against you, you could do that. And that's going to be hard. Right? Like, that's. That's. It might be like, air quotes comfortable. It's just. It's not. It's just familiar. Right. Okay. And it's extremely hard. Or you could choose the hard of. Okay. I. I have to, like, block my ex because after the five years I'm dating him, I know he's not good for me. You can. And that's going to be hard. Right. You have to choose Your heart of. Okay, my mom is toxic. She is covert narcissist. This is terrible. I'm going to set boundaries. I'm not going to take her call every time she calls. This isn't my personal story with my mom like it is with other people. And, like, choose your heart of. Okay, so I am going to get up and go walking every, you know, like four or five days a week for a couple miles. And I'm going to, you know, maybe not eat this this time. Do this in. It's like. It's like choose. Your life is hard. Which one do you want Hard. What path do you want to go? Yeah, the evolving path. Right? The healing. The evolving. Become the next best version of you hard challenge. There's a lot more reward in that. Or do you want to stay stuck doing what you're doing and just have a lot more suffering? That's not the good suffering. Totally. Yeah. That's like the, you know, the. One of my favorite theories. And I don't know who this comes from. I think it's from a Buddhist situation. Oh, God. Buddhist situation. Forgive me. But it's like the concept of the second arrow, right? Like, what happens is the first arrow and that hurts. But what is keeping you suffering is the second arrow, which is like all the stories that you make up about it and how that, like, chooses to run your life, you know? So. Yeah, I feel you. I love this energy and I love this perspective. And I can already tell that you are such an amazing coach to have. So I want to get deeper now before we wrap up. Yeah, we have plenty of time, but into like, the actual work. So tell me a little bit more about your signature program and how that works and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for asking. So the journey in a confident woman unleash is just me and one other client. We're just one on one. We start from the beginning. Like, again, I'm not a licensed therapist, but I don't think, you know, like, with life coaching, I don't think you can just focus on moving forward if you don't address and acknowledge a little bit of your past. Right. Like, we're not reliving trauma, but I like to do what is called. I just did a workshop last week on this. It's called your story. And in this workshop, I took the women there and I. Well, all my clients just who work with me one on one. We start with your story. So we do a timeline of birth to today and we write out the significant life events from birth to Today, good and bad. And then we connect the dots of why they. That like, we connect the dots of the patterns and we discover belief systems, where that comes from. We discover. And I their identity now. Oh, where that came from. We discover these. These dating patterns that are not good, where that was learned from. We discover that why they respond this way or have this habit, where that came from. It's all learned behavior. And I think that is one of the most powerful things that you can. Like exercises that you can do with somebody who feels stuck in the repeating patterns in many different areas of life is it's not like you're just born this way. Right. Of course you learn it. Yeah. Yeah, you do. Of course. Yeah. You. You learn your belief system. You learn the habits that you have. You learned what relationships look like based on who modeled them for you. You learned what a. What career success looks like based on what environment you're in. To me, I don't think like example, career, career success. I don't think it is working eight hours a week and making a million dollars. Yeah. And having your health go down the dumper and having your relationship suffer. But you have a nice house and a nice car and you go on all these fancy trips and all these nice. I don't think that's. That is successful. So do I. Yeah, I mean, been there, done it. I'm like, oh, this is a fear feel successful. I think I need to find, you know, define success for myself. But so we do that story timeline and, and I will work on that. I try to get that done in that first session. But a lot of times we might. We. They're going to be working on it again after our first call. But like in each month, it's. Let's get clarity on why we are the way. On why you are the way you are, why you believe and do and show up and tolerate the things you do. And then we start moving into another exercise for like this first month is, well, let's. Okay, so we understand this now. Now we have a better picture. So your past, the story that you're telling yourself, what are you making this mean about how you see the world, about how people are, about how life happens to you. Right. And then it's okay, can you make a commitment now that from this day forward, I'm going to do what I have to do with compassion at a pace that feels good for me. Okay, what this. Start taking the steps I need to take to start getting out of this belief system. And that comes a lot of these other Coaching exercises. I could explain it to you forever, but just to kind of give you a little summary. Snapshot. Yeah. Distilled, you know, like journaling. Right. So you hear that term journaling a lot. I mean, if you don't like that or that sounds like it's, you know, repeated boring, but I say just grab a composition book and just start writing down what is going good right now. What are you proud of yourself for right now? What are you excited about? What are you looking forward to right now? So it's not like I'm grateful for I'm so happy and grateful or just these empty affirmations that don't feel true. But it's like, let's focus on what you like about yourself right now, what you're proud of yourself for today, what went well yesterday, what you're excited about in a couple of weeks. Maybe it's this trip. Right. And then because I want to like get some good like feelings and get you kind of like in a good sense of safe and accepting place with yourself after you do that story timeline, which can be pretty. That's heavy. That's heavy stuff. Yeah, right. And then one of my favorite exercises, I love this is it's, it's like a letter for. I feel like a lot of us, we say stuck or playing it safe, stay hidden because we're so concerned about what people are going to like think about us or what they're going to say. Right. Or there's just so much resent, resentment against, you know, the people that have hurt us. So it's, it's like going through exercises of when, okay, when, when I was angry or when I was embarrassed or when I was hurt or when I am happy. Like how did people respond to that? Right. And then we go through like costs and payoffs of why you're keep. Why you keep showing up the way you do. And then we go through like, okay, let's get a weekly commitment plan and we just. There's just a lot of like, I. My curriculum is. I mean, I don't say it's long, but it's long. It's in depth. It's in depth because I want like real deep, genuine healing. Same. Yeah. Not just a feel good thing. And I will say this. You know, my program is 90 days, but a good amount of clients, they will continue. They'll re up for another 90 days or three months. Right? Yeah, yeah. I mean it's so helpful to just be witnessed and all this stuff, you know, like you can do. It's like feng shui. Right. Like, you can do it by yourself. Like, you could Google, like, help or, gosh, now you could just ask AI. Right. Like, there's so many ways that you could do it yourself. I'm sure. But we cannot replace being witnessed by another human. That's like a story as old as time. Right. Like, it's just impossible and it's so powerful. Like you said, like, you've had coaches along the way, and so. Yeah, I just think that that's such a big part and. Yeah. At all. You know, there's things that happen all the time. I mean, there's different stages. Like, you know, you'll go to a coach at one point or a mentor, and people will come to me for this one thing. But then now it's like, okay, so I've done this one thing. Like, I've learned how to. I feel like a lot of it is relationship. After they just gotten their heart broken, they watch one of my videos and they think that's what they're coming to me for, is get over this guy. They think that that's the thing. Right, of course. But it's a lot deeper than that. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then start working on the career. Right. Balance there. How to notice red flags and, you know, dating and also where you need to set boundaries. Yes. Well, the biggest piece, I think, with mentors or coaches or therapists is the accountability piece. Totally. Yeah. Until we have mastered holding ourselves accountable. Yeah. But I would even say to this day, I mean, I met you, Met you through our, you know, a mastermind. You're. We're in. I like the accountability. I like the mentorship. Yeah. I still get it through books. I still get it through other things. So it's like it's never done. You know, I don't think you have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars all the time every year, but the work is never done. No, it's never done. Yeah. Until we die, then it's done. Well, maybe not, actually. It probably continues on just in a different form. But, yeah, we're always healing. We're always evolving. Yeah. Yeah. Nikki, this was such an amazing conversation, and I actually think both you and I probably don't even have a sense of, like, the depth of this conversation, because I think that we went places that are going to resonate with so many people, and you just shared such wisdom, and I'm super excited for everyone to get to know you and to follow along and hopefully work with you and all those things. So thank you so much for Being here. Thank you. So I have a couple of final questions and of course, plenty of space if there's anything else you want to bring in. But my first question before I ask how people can find you is what are you currently creating space for in your life? It's okay. So I want to say this. When I started listening to more of your podcast and reading some of your content, I'm like, I feel like I've been feng shui for big part of my life. More so. But like, I'm joking when I say that. But I'm also being honest with moving furniture different places. I've always liked to redecorate, reorganize, or just reassemble things because of the way it makes me feel. Totally. Yep. I feel like if I don't have much clutter and, you know, my surroundings and my environment seems clear for me, then my, my brain in my head feels a lot clearer. But what, what's going on for me right now is I'm pulling way back on working a lot because I don't want to repeat this pattern of not being available to my daughter. Yeah. And I don't want to repeat this pattern of numbing out from feelings. So I find that when I take care of myself, make time for exercise, social time with friends, and another big thing is really reducing social media. I mean, it's a little bit of something we're learning in our mastermind, but I'm like, nope, I think just YouTube and email is going to be what it, what it is for me because that feels good for me. Yeah. And I'm really getting, I'm really just discerning too what, what I'm working on right now in my life. And this part of my, like my, my business too. My coaching is I'm being very discerning on who I work with. I want my clients. And I've had really good experience with this. But now that time is more limited because my daughter's only in daycare three days a week and then every other Thursday because I choose that. But I'm like, nope. I want to really screen my clients. I really want to hear their story. Do they have any type of self awareness and personal responsibility? What's going on? And are they. Are they willing to invest in themselves and really get committed? So, yeah. Yeah. I mean, so it's not participating. It's no longer participating and subscribing to being busier. It makes you more valuable. And really just doing less is more and having less is more kind of ties in with your work? Yeah. I mean, what's your feedback on that? Like, I'm curious. I'm, like, sitting on my hands because I'm such an interrupter when it comes to the stuff. I try not to do that on the podcast. If we were a friend, like, we were just having a friendly chat, I would have jumped in, like, eight times, and you probably would have been annoyed. But anyway. Well, first of all, feng shui is innate, right? Like, it is aligning with the flow of fortune, which is the flow of possibility, the flow that makes us feel the best. So I hear this all. All the time. Like, when people start to do feng shui, they're like, oh, I. I did that naturally. And that I already did, because that makes sense to me, and that makes me feel good. So really, all that. The wisdom does. Well, not all of the wisdom does because there's. It's deep. Right. But part of what the wisdom does is a. It makes you feel good to know that something that you are innately doing has a precedence and has a meaning. Right? So it's really interesting to learn that meaning because it helps you learn about yourself and learn about your life. And then the other aspect is it just allows you to refine the things you're doing, right? Because you start to know what different things mean. So, yeah, I think that's. I think that that's such a beautiful thing. And I think a lot of people that are sensitive and especially women, like, no, you know, again, this isn't a sexist statement, but it's just true. Women tend to be affected by their environment more. So it's a big deal. I mean, it's a big deal. And anyone that says, like, oh, whatever, I can work in any space, it's just like, you're kidding yourselves or you're shut down or something's going on, because it's just not true. Right? It's not true. We are affected by our environment. So I think that's so powerful and beautiful. And I love. I love unsubscribing from the cult of busy. It's a tough one for me because that runs deep, but a story for another time. But, yeah, I love that, and so beautiful. And thank you so much for sharing all that. Okay, Nikki, tell us all the places that we can find you, especially your YouTube channel, and how to get on your email list if you have one, and anything else you want to tell us? Yeah, I mean, like I said, I'm decluttering my work life, and that means my social media. The best place to find me and connect with me and to watch my videos and just hang out. My community is my YouTube channel. It's my name, it's Nikki McMillan. And I'm sure you can share the link, you know. Yes, of course I will share all the links. Yeah. And yeah, subscribe to get on my email list too. That's where I will share any upcoming workshops that I have. I mean, I just had one, so I probably won't do another one for maybe, maybe not that long off. Probably in the next 30, maybe 60 days. So my email list is good because I just share inspiration or, or, or insights or just something for my own personal life that I'm working on or struggled with or struggling with and what I'm doing like in real time to, to break through. Yeah, workshops, retreats, email. But yeah, YouTube and my email list. And you can get on my email list through. You can, you'll send me a link, right? Yeah, I'll send you a link, but everything's on my YouTube channel. Okay, great. You can find me there. But y. The best places. Well, thank you again so much and thanks for your grace with the traffic that we had coming into this podcast. And yeah, I'm just excited to stay in your world and learn from you. And I'm going to be a guest on Nikki's YouTube channel soon. Later in May I believe. So check it out. And thank you so much, Nikki. Don't go away. We'll say goodbye. But we'll say goodbye to people now. Bye, people. Bye, guys. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Thank you guys so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I enjoyed having it. And I hope you dive into Nikki's world. I'm excited. Anyway, okay, so feng shui. Feng shui. So here's what I've been up to lately, guys. I have been really, really into creating custom AI. I really love it. It's so my thing. I'm not going to say I'm amazing at it, but I'm learning. And I have created so far two custom AIs. And here's what they are. The first is called Space with Cody. And Space with Cody is a beautiful tool that you get access to when you join my one on one containers. So for now you get carte blanche access to this AI that I have trained. So it is only going to give you answers that I have approved, approved and that I have have my hands all over. And that way when you're in a one on one container, let's say you have a question at 2am my time because you're in somewhere else, not Eastern standard time and you really want an answer right away. Well, I'm not going to give you an answer at 2am because my phone is turned off and in another room. But space with Cody is there and you can ask as many questions as you want all the time. Again, it's been trained, trained on all of my teachings and my materials. It has very specific boundaries and I have tested this so that I know and approve of what the conversations are going to be. So it's a really cool tool that I've added only right now for my one on one clients. In the future there is going to be a way to continue on and to continue gain access. And of course this is something that I'm going to keep refining, adding to making more and more robust users. Really the right word for that. So that's space with Cody and she comes along with any one on one package. The second AI that I've created is called Lucky Home AI and she's cute, she's very simple. She's, you know, she's just for the three day Lucky home challenge. So I have a three day lucky home challenge. If you don't know it's down in the show notes. It is free. Did I say free? It is a free three day lucky home challenge. I created this for all you busy, busy humans out there that are like feng shui sounds interesting, but who has time? You do, because this is only going to take you max 10 minutes a day. And these are designed to be very quick, very easy, but bring you some results, actions that you can take in your space. And if you're thinking, blah, blah, you're going to tell me to declutter. No, these are not that. This is not that. These are really cool, interesting little things. So I promise it'll probably be surprising to you what I'm suggesting. Anyway, that's a three free three day challenge. The link for that is in the show notes as well or in my Instagram bio. And now you have the ability to upgrade for just $11, guys. So that's like what, two lattes at best these days? Maybe one. If you live where I do. And she's cool, she's going to help guide you through the three day challenge, answer any questions, deal with any frustration that's coming up, help you walk through that. And she's got some special wisdom and tips and knowledge that doesn't come along with just the three, three day, three day tasks which you'll get via email. So that's a really cool upgrade to this free little challenge. She's called Lucky Home AI and she's your guide through those three days. So that's what I've been up to. I'm really into it. I really like creating custom AI. What I love about custom AI is that it's got parameters and boundaries. Right? I mean, yes, it's still AI. So there is always. And this is a new technology, so there's always possibility for, you know, hiccups, which I've seen for sure. However, I really like that it's this targeted thing that's been trained to answer in a specific way and you don't have to. You don't have to prompt it. Right. You don't have to say, you are a blah, blah, blah. Bitch knows who she is. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to curse on the podcast. Cool. Anyway, enough out of me, and I will see you guys hopefully really soon with another amazing conversation. And until then, I really hope to see you in the challenge. Hit me up on social media, Let me know all your questions, connect with Nikki, and I'll see you soon. Bye. | 00:00:00.880 - 00:58:13.700