Welcome back to "Create the Space with Cody Maher," where we're all about making room for what matters most. In this episode, I'm thrilled to introduce you to my dear friend Rajni. She's the guru of holistic mental and emotional health, seamlessly blending meditation, talk therapy, and other practices to cultivate a life of resilience and empowerment. She is also my middle of the night SOS friend. Thanks Rajni. I love you. Rajni enlightens us on navigating the victim-villain paradigm and offers insight into nervous system regulation—reminding us all that it’s about finding balance in the chaos of life. Her wisdom is a breath of fresh air, providing practical steps to transform commitment into pure devotion, both at home and in our hearts. Ready to infuse your life with more ease and authenticity? Dive into this inspiring chat with Rajni. Trust me—it might just change how you live and love. Catch all the links to connect with her in the show notes—bringing Rajni into your world is a gift you won’t want to miss! Warmly, Cody 🌼
Connect with Rajni on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theselfmasterytherapist/
Her website: https://www.ttinst.co/
Hi, friends. Welcome back to Create the Space today. I'm super excited for this episode that you are about to hear in your beautiful ears. It is with my dear friend Rajni, and she is the managing director of Thought Transformation Institute. She's focused on holistic mental and emotional health. She merges meditation, talk therapy, coaching, mind body practices, and she helps her clients combat stress, develop resilience, and live a sovereign and empowered life. Rajni's background is awesome. I mean, she has over 10,000 hours of teaching and therapy experiences, hundreds of hours of meditation that should have been experience and not experience says, but I. Am not going to edit that because. You know, I want you guys to have the real me and sometimes I can't speak. She's done neuro linguistic programming, yoga training, and just so much. Plus, she comes from a really interesting place before that, which she'll tell you about during the episode. I'll also be super transparent. Rajani is a friend of mine. She's also the person that I want to speak to when things are overwhelming or tough in my life. She is so generous as a friend. And Rajni, just. I love you. Thank you for being my friend. Yeah, I'm excited to listen to this with you. No, no, I'm excited for you to hear this. I cannot speak, so I'm going to be quiet and just let you enjoy this conversation with my dear friend Rajni. Hi, Rajni. Greetings. Greetings, my friend. This is a very special episode, everybody, because this is one of my dearest friends. So I don't know that I've had a dearest friend on the podcast yet. So it might be like a slightly different vibe. And, you know, I'm sorry and I'm not sorry. So, Rajni, I know you really well, but let's tell everybody in the moment who you are, what you do, and just for fun, like, what's really exciting you in your realm right now. Well, I'll start with what's exciting me. It is making the sourdough bread sitch. I want to do that too, girl. It is life changing. It is life changing. So that's the most exciting thing, at least the most relevantly exciting thing. And then who I am, I'm just, you know, I'm just a therapist. I'm a coach. I'm focused on self mastery and the practice of devotion and skillful living and very aptly creating the space. And you've taught me that through feng shui. But I realized that a lot of my life has come. It has come to that culmination point of creating the space internally and externally to really, you know, allow the theory of things like devotion and skill living to actually be an embodied experience. So I don't know. That's the answer that came. Babe, I love it. I love it. There's so many, so many things I want to talk to you about. So I think it's helpful for everybody to define what those things are to you. So let's start with what does devotion mean to you and how does that show up? And how did that. I'm assuming that maybe you got to that being a value for you from that not being a value for you as things often are. Right. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but. But yeah. Tell me a little bit about how devotion came to be so important to you and something that leads your life. Yeah, I think devotion came, became important to me by exactly what you said. It not being there and me craving that so much from the external. Whether that was external part, whether that was like, you know, external projects or colleagues or partners, I always craved that. Not really understanding it until I got like 40 years old. So it came from that germinated from that and also from my childhood. Like, I never really had the devotion of my parents as I would have, I think as an adult would have realized that parents devotion to their children is such a key concept and a key experience for the child as they grow. So I think it started from a lack of there. Not through any fault of them, but more so, or rather and more so because I'm first generation parents emigrated from India. Their ideas of what parenthood is and all that stuff wildly different than how I see parents parent now. And so, you know, there was a lot of. A lot of shifts and changes in childhood and a lot of confusion about who I am, confusion about where I'm supposed to be, who I'm supposed to be. So there was a lack of devotion the way that I think would have been helpful for me as a child from that lens. But also, you know, the devotion to who do I want to become? Who am I? You know, those kind of like, were the oscillating, I think, factors. So devotion to me, though, now as I stand to be, I think I'm 42, I'm not 100 sure yet. Devotion to me is really a deeper level, a deeper layer. So it's. There's commitment and then there's devotion. There's discipline and then there's devotion. And devotion is something I've discovered is always that deeper layer of the fundamental and that deeper layer of that fundamental is what connects you to your soul. It's like deeper than deep. It's like in the center of your body and it's just like, ooh, it's juicy. It's like real juicy. So that's what I see as what devotion is. This brings up a lot for me. And I have questions for you. Not gonna turn this into a therapy session for Cody. However, as much as maybe some people would like to hear that. So what comes up for me when I think about devotion is sometimes guilt. Right? Because there's a lot of things in my life that I would like to be more devoted to. And yet for various reasons, like, I'm just gonna speak in less abstract terms. So right now, Doug and I, my husband, are doing this 10 week alchemical process with our acupuncture slash shaman. And it involves a lot of time and a lot of practices. And when I'm on the call with him, I'm like, yes. And then life happens and I end up feeling bad about myself that I haven't made the space. So here's my question. It's like, how do you help people understand and craft for themselves how to live a devoted life to whatever that may be, and how do they define what that is? And then also, where does guilt and shame come in? When in. In that realm, if that makes any sense. I think it does. I think you're going to get what I'm saying. Yeah, legit, legit girl. So I think when someone says that question, how do I live a devoted life? Or how do I become more devoted to X, Y and Z? The first question I ask is, what's your path of least resistance? That is a great starting point. So if your path of least resistance right now is devotion to just being on those virtual calls and doing two things out of the week that you need to do in relation to it, that's it, that's your devotion. So I think we, we have a tendency, human beings have a tendency, but also in the year 2025, we are so overstimulated and therefore very much kind of tying ourselves to belief systems of how something is supposed to be, when really that's just subconscious programming from a young age that we receive. So what is the path of least resistance to this thing that you want to be devoted to? Follow that first and then you'll find that easefulness will organically move you into step three, step four, step whatever of that is what I would say guilt and shame are. I mean, we don't have to go, like, deep into guilt and shame, but just in relation to, like, devotion. Right. Because I feel like that can come up if in. In it comes up for me. So let's talk about it. Yeah, absolutely. And there's no. And I'll preface this by saying there's no way to not go deep into guilt and shame because it drives so much of our actions and most importantly, drives so much of our thoughts, which is where we get in trouble. Yeah. So guilt, they say, right? Shame is a very dangerous emotion. You know, shame is the one that can lead to addiction. It can lead to a lot of unique, unhelpful kind of paths. So where guilt comes into play is usually because we're comparing it to something else. We're comparing our devotion to someone else's devotion. We're comparing to our idea of what it should be versus what it could be that is specific to us. So dismantling. That always comes down to start with. Again, the path of least resistance to this one thing that you're wanting to be devoted to. Desire is a beautiful thing. So follow that desire to its natural, organic end point, which could just be those two steps for you in whatever it is that you want to be devoted to. That's it. Shame is a lot deeper. Shame is. Shame is very difficult. So if. If one thinks that they're dealing with shame when it comes to devotion, then there's a deeper layer of some trauma I would imagine that we would need to go through and then more complexity to those emotions. So if we can identify if it's guilt or if it's shame, then there's a better way to tackle it. In devotion, though, it's more of. You know, there's usually a comparison factor happening with guilt. I love that. And what are you devoted to? Oh, damn. Okay. We just, like, jumped in. I didn't say anything about, like, who you are, where you are, what you did before. It's just like, let's go deep. This is what happens when I talk. To my friends, guys. Sorry. It's so much fun being your friend, babe. I love it. Thank you. Now, having said that, what was the question? What are you devoted to? Hold on. I will tell you. What I am devoted to is removing resistance from my life. And that is any external resistance and the one that is the most work. Internal resistance. Yeah. And my partner even called me out on that. You know, probably like. Like two weeks ago. He was like, babe, you're. You resist a lot of things. You resist a lot of stuff. And we were talking about how we were. You know, we like to park in places, and the one place will say it's a to away zone. I'm like, oh, we'll be fine. He's like, you resist rules. Or when someone tells you something, you do. And I'm like, yeah, there's we. And that's. That's a deep childhood sitch. Right? But it's something that I've been contemplating anyway for the last few years. But this year, I was like, no, we are not gonna. I am not gonna resist anything. And so calibrating, at what points is it helpful to resist slash rebel? To question, and at what point is it unhelpful to do that? Maybe we don't need to park in the place that says that your car will probably be towed, Right? Maybe not. Maybe. Maybe I don't need to resist that. No, maybe not. Maybe it is okay to send a few emails back and forth between your leasing company and saying, no, this is not working for me. And it turns out, oh, what they said was mandatory two months ago is actually not mandatory. Right. So, Ryan, rebelling and resistance served a point there. So my devotion is to calibrate but also remove resistance internally, which is resisting is a habit of mine. It's a habit of mine that I want to eradicate, hopefully before I turn 50. Well, I don't know. Chronological age is so. So irrelevant. So legit. Legit. Okay. All right. We're gonna go back now. Now that we've done this, like, deep dive, we're gonna go back because I want to give people. They're in. They're in with us. I can feel it. They're already in, but let's give them a little context. Talk to me about how you ended up being this masterful therapist interested in the things that you are. And I know you. You're a very committed person. Like, you are committed. And, yeah, I would call you devoted. Right. To growth. So let's talk a little bit about how you got there and where are you talking to us from. Also, that's helpful to know. Oh, Charleston, South Carolina, honey. It is sunny here. It is fab. It is fab. This place is fab. Legit. At the end of the year, it's weird that place is calling me again. I don't know. I've been there before, but all, like, the last four days, that's been like, Charleston, Charleston, Charleston. Anyway, we'll talk about that later. So you go. You got a place to say. And Dougie and everybody. I mean, bring the whole fam. The whole of family members. Okay, tell me about Rodney. So how. I think the question was kind of how this path. Yeah. How'd you get there? How'd you get there? What'd you used to do? Yeah. So from a professional standpoint, what I used to do was I was in, you know, financial intelligence, counterterrorism for a very long time. Live in DC for a very long time. Like 8, 9ish years around that time. Then transitioned into consultancy, more of the private sector side of things. Because I was still like, do I really want to be in this realm? Testing, resisting, rebelling, kind of your inner. Teenager is alive and ready to play. Yeah, inner teenager. And so ultimately went into nonprofit development work and then of course, being a therapist. I am a yoga teacher. I teach yoga teacher trainings, meditation trainings, offices, self mastery stuff as well. And the reason why my life kind of shifted in terms of how devotion showed up for me in the external world was simply by shifting what I considered service to be. Because those. My true north is basically three points. It's leadership, freedom and service. It's like a triangle with those three elements. And my idea of how I could be of service, you know, it's something, when I was a kid, everybody would say, she's like, I. I would always be trying to take care of everybody, like, what are you doing? What's going on? Can I put this warm towel on your forehead or cold towel, blah, blah, blah. And so from very young age, people knew me to be in that orientation. And from a young age, the reason why I did that was to receive acceptance was to receive love. It was so I could be given the kind of attention and devotion so I could receive that from other people. And so the trait of over giving started at a very, very young, very young age. And it's seen as a positive, Right. When you're younger and you want to help everybody all the time, it's seen as a positive. And especially, like, whether it's the Indian culture or wherever it is, the cultural paradigm plays a huge role in development, you know, especially for a girl. And so that was kind of like the big thing. And that service element translated my professional life by going into service to, you know, my country, going in counterterrorism, financial intelligence, blah, blah, and then translating that over to being of service to my clients, you know, the people who come for whatever they come for. And so that kind of thread of service is really what changed everything. And ultimately I feel like when we're, when we're in moments of self awareness or when we are on the path of self awareness, which anybody listening to your. Your podcast is 100% on that road. Amen. So that path of self awareness can't help but get you on the path of self mastery. There's just no way out of it, you know? And because that path of self mastery requires of you becoming more skillful at life, it will require you to begin the healing process. And it never ends. Not because it never ends and you're always in freaking turmoil, but it never ends because it gets so good and juicy every single time. Even if there's more pain on the other side, it's like, holy shit. Like, wow, I am so deep into who I am. And every time, every time, it keeps going. And that devotion to living a life that is easeful, less resistance, all those things just starts to happen right as time goes on. Yeah. And this really. You know, I was being interviewed yesterday for this thing online experience that's coming up in May, and she asked me, you know, how does. How does the inner world and the outer world relate, like, in terms of Feng shui? Like, and that is something that's so important to me because, like, you're saying it's like, it's. I see it as this infinity symbol, right? Like this feedback loop. It's like, that's why feng shui matters to me so much. It's not necessarily because it can help us get what we want, which is true, but it's because if we want to be aligned internally, if we want to have no resistance internally, if we're living in an environment full of resistance, it makes it so much harder. Right? Like, so. So I'm with you completely, and I wanted to just reflect that. And then the question that I have is, can we talk about what self mastery means to you? Because to me, that, yeah, let's just leave it at that. And we won't talk about what it means to me yet. Well, first of all, I want to say that because of what you've taught me with Feng shui, my relationship with my home has changed from being committed to my home, which is like cleanliness and this, that or the other, which are also parts of Feng shui. Right? And it shifted my relationship with my home because of you, from commitment to devotion. Oh, I love that. That's, like, so beautiful. And that devotion to my home is understanding that it is, like you say, an extension of me. And its vibration is my vibration. My vibration is its vibration. So something simple that. That you told me. I don't even know when Was go in the mornings, open the doors for your other bedrooms and say, hello. Right. I forget to do that every day. It's like. And it feels so good. It does. Hello, my love. Hello, beautiful room that I never go in. How are you five bedrooms in this house? Opening the blinds, you know, and so. And there's a feeling associated with it, right? That devotion. There's an emotion to it. Yeah. And that emotion is so complementary to how your mind is now evolving and revolving in the environment. I mean, shit, girl, like, this big. This big for people to understand commitment to devotion when it comes to your home. Yeah, it's so. It's. And this is something else. And I don't want to. Again, I don't want to divert us from this crazy tangent. This is something else that came up for me, too. It's like, why does this matter? You know? And it's. It's exactly what you said. Because for me, I got so bogged down with working internally. Like, I was like, in healing burnout, for lack of a better term. Right. Which is a real thing. And giving myself an external thing to work on was so helpful because I could continue this forward momentum, which I want to have, but I wasn't, like, putting all the focus on myself, which kind of made me feel like I was drowning at that time. So, anyway, yeah, we're very much in line with each other and all this and understanding. So, yeah, thank you just for bringing that forward. So juicy is the right word. Okay. But I really do. I do want to talk about what. What is self mastery? Because that's a big word. So funny enough, self mastery is primarily a relational experience. And the reason why it's a relational experience, and my God, there's so many things to talk about in relation to this. But the reason why self mastery is a relational experience is because you need to know what shit you need to work on via your triggers, via your trauma, and via the epiphanies that come through an energetic activation, verbal activation, emotional activation. So it's not an individualistic component. It is an offshoot of your relational experiences. And to other people. Yes. With other people, with other beings. Yeah. You with your animals, with your dogs, with your neighbors, with your relationship with the environment. Like, oh, my God, this sucks. It's been dreary and rainy for three days. My mood is low. What am I going to do to help my own self here? I'm going to get out of the house. I'm going to take some vitamin D drops. Whatever you need to do. So these Are like small, simple examples that everyone's probably familiar with. So in a nutshell, self mastery is a relational experience. And number two, self mastery is not becoming perfect. Perfectionism is, is not, is not a thing to contemplate. And if perfectionism is a tendency, which it is for strong women like us. It is no me. Perfectionism is when we find that in our personality types, that's just an element of us trying to control something. Right. And the more we try to control something, obviously, as you and I know, the less we step away from that kind of soul driven, intuition driven, you know, life, living, experience. So mastery of self is really about getting comfortable with who you are. And people use the word surrendering a lot, letting go a lot. That's part of it. I would say stop resisting. That's really what it is. It's interesting because that actual word to me feels very. I'm going to go with masculine or young or like, like, you know, what's the word? Like, aggressive, I guess. But I don't actually, now that you're describing it, it's very different from what I'm imagining. So that's really interesting. I mean, what I'm extrapolating is it's just coming into a state where like, you're not a victim. So how does like victim consciousness, how do you work with victim consciousness? Is that part of like your experience and does that come up a lot in what you're working through and working with others through? Yeah, it is. It's the victim villain paradigm is the greatest story ever told. You know, it's the greatest story ever told because it creates the ultimate division, division within self. Yeah, let's talk about it. Because I think it's so topical and I think it's something that's so sneaky, right? Like, oh man, I love being the victim. Like, let me just call it out. It feels so good in the moment. Like it's, it's just like eating a bunch of candy, right? Like, it's just, it's like, oh, feel bad for me. Poor, poor me. Like, let me get all this att. As much as you like to get attention or did or you know, your childhood from caring for people, my thing was like, from being like in pain or sick, right? Like, that was my. And that's my thing, right? So, yeah, I think it's, I just think it's really sneaky. And I see it, so I see it playing out big in like the world arena, right. And small in like personal relationships. So let's get into that a Tiny bit. Tell me the story of the victim and the villain. Yeah, the victim and the villain. Ironically, they're the same person from a theoretical standpoint. So now in the, in the internal world, they're one of the same. In the external world, it's, you know, you pitting yourself against somebody. And what's the root cause of that comparison is where it begins, usually, right? Where it's like, because you're doing this and I am now receiving the tail end of that. Right? So there's, there's a touch of comparison that happens there. The victim, Bill and paradigm begins at a very young age. Obviously. I'm a therapist, right. So I'm going to say I got a total complete bias that all the shit that we're doing in our adulthood, all that shit started when we were kids. Okay? Oh, God, I'm sorry, Montana. I'm trying. All started, right? Right. Listen to this podcast in 15 years, please. Your mom was doing her best. So it's like back when we were kids, what are the movies that we watched? Beauty and the Beast. Oh, God, yeah. Cinderella. There was always a foe, there was always an opponent. Imagine seeing that shit before the age of like 7, 7 or 8. Because around 7 or 8 is when kids are now beginning to learn how to discern, right? Until then, they're complete sponges. So all you are seeing is storylines between a hero saving a woman, saving a princess. Okay? That's a whole other convo. And you've got evil witches and shit rolling around trying to do their own thing. So it starts from that, that element and then we just extend that out as life goes on. It's actually a very simple concept, but it's so deeply covert. So deeply covert. And, you know, and the number one thing it takes away from us as we grow is it takes away our ability to be more confident. It takes away our even ability to start to develop self esteem. It takes those things away from us. And even as I'm speaking about it, I'm talking about the victim villain paradigm as the villain against development. Right? Right. So you see that? See how we're screwed? We should just stop this conversation. We're done. This can't do it. Go to bed, guys. Put on a movie, get some snacks. We're doomed. So. So it's so covert. But where we can start to unravel it is when is with our significant others. That's where we start to unravel it. First and foremost, it's in the most intimate relationships with which again is usually our significant other. So when we're having an argument with our partner or something like that, who has made the other out to be a victim and who's the villain here, that's where it begins. And as soon as you can start to unravel that, that's usually our first experience of like, oof, this is not good. This is weird. Yeah. That will usually happen in your significant other relationships, and it is from that you can start to work and instill more compassion. Most importantly, the anecdote to victim villain paradigms is curiosity. Tell me more. The more curious we get. So if in a situation, I'm having a conversation with my significant other and he says something that pisses me off, right? So I'll give you an example. When a couple weeks ago or whatever it was, he was like, babe, you just resist so many things. I immediately wanted to start crying. And I did. I had to excuse myself. I had to go. It was such a deep, like. Not that he wanted to do that, but he was being honest and I think that's important. So I went to the bathroom, cried a little bit. He knew I was crying. I didn't want him to know I was crying, but I also kind of did want him to know I was crying. Right. You want some of that compassion from your boo? Yeah. Yes, you're my prince and my. My king and shit. Like, and part of it. So there was all sorts of things, like, I don't want you to see me cry, but I do want you to see me cry. I know you can sense it, but I don't want you to. You know, those little kinks that we are always in. So was in the bathroom for five minutes, came back out, dried it off, and just started talking about plants, you know, as you do start talking about palm trees and. And then I'm in the kitchen and in that moment when I was in the bathroom, I made him out to be a villain. I was like, how can he possibly say this to me? It's true, but why are you saying it to me? So I pit in my own head, us against each other. When I had cried my tears out. It's important to cry because it releases endorphins. All sorts of good shit happens when you cry. I was able to get my place and get my head into a space where I could come outside, start talking about plants, kind of avoiding the situation. No. Going to the kitchen, getting some chips, you know, And. And so when I was doing that in the kitchen, I was also simultaneously having the experience of curiosity, like, and that's a skill. It's like my. My life is also about skillful living. So becoming curious is a skill to have. I was like, why did I just have such an intense reaction? And in the kitchen, in those, like, five minutes with the chips, the curiosity got me to see or experience. It's like, oof. This is. This is coming from you feeling like you're being judged number one. It's coming from a place of, am I being manipulated? Because he's saying that. Because I have plenty of experience of that, not just in childhood, but in previous relationships. Am I being manipulated? Am I being gaslit? You know, all of these things were pouring out because I've been in this world of practicing curiosity. And that allowed me to soften, because that's what curiosity is going to do. It's going to soften your heart, it's going to soften your physical body. Gets less, softens the mind. And so I was there in that mainframe, that mindset frame. And then Eric walks over, you know, towards me in the kitchen, and I didn't want him to see my eyes because I was like, joe, because, you know, my eyes will give everything away. And I go, put the chips away. And he did something that was so beautifully masculine. Like, it was in this. Like, this is good, where he just kind of, you know, I was. He was behind me, and he just takes me by my arms like this with both hands, pulls me back and just pulls me in. Now, if I had had the reaction that would have kept me in the villain victim paradigm, that reaction would have been anger. Right. Rather than curiosity. And because that would have been anger, I would have shut down. Yep. I would have said something mean. But I chose curiosity to soften. And as a result, he felt that softening. Right. And he felt there was place for him to come in with his masculine and that kind of protectorship and, you know, all that kind of stuff. And we talked about it in that point. So there's such an interesting shift that happens in all of your relationships, but especially the most significant ones, if you can plug in some curiosity to break and intercept the villain victim paradigm, whenever that's happening. Yeah. And this kind of brings me full circle back to what you and I were talking about. And I can't remember if it was on air, off air. So forgive me, everybody, but about creating space. Right. Because you gave yourself the space to do that. Right. And I think one of my biggest challenges is I am a Doug, and I have been joking lately because I like to listen to everything on either 1.5 or like 1.75. And to him, he, like, that's insane. Like, I don't even know what they're talking about. Like, that's how fast my brain moves. And so my challenge is to not react right. Because I just want to be like, you know, and. And, yeah, but that ability, if you can, if one can, to take a beat, create some space, get curious and then respond like, that is a big skill to learn. It is. And people are not going to be able to do it with everything. Yeah, of course not. We're humans, not perfect beings. Yeah, absolutely not. You know, and it's like, it's. I was able to do that. For whatever reason I was able to do that. You know, practice makes progress. Kind of stitch all the things, the deepening of, you know, the relationship I'm in. And like, all these things play a role. Environment. Right? It's. It's the space. It's the environment, it's the space. Where are we at? But there are moments when I'm like, I. I can't. And I will shut down and I will get angry and I will stay in that victim villain space of feeling sorry for myself and all this until I'm able to break out of it. And some days, sometimes it takes like a couple hours. Some days it takes a day. And other times, like last time, it was like, I'm just gonna cry it out. Oh, I love that. Thank you. I feel like this is just so important. It's such important stuff. And what's coming to me is like, why? Why are we doing all this? Like, why? What's the. What's the goal or the point? Or like, how does this elevate our lives? Yeah, let's talk about the why. Like, what's your why? My why for skillful living, self mastery, like doing, you know, doing the work on yourself that you do and that you then bring to your clients. Right? Because that's part. So, yeah, I would say the biggest. Why for my movement, or rather I should say expansion into self mastery and skillful living was ironically, a form of rebellion against the world that we're in right now. Part of it was a rebellion of like, I don't want to be rushed. I'm tired of it, I'm 40 something. My nervous system doesn't want this anymore. That was part of the reason, the rebellion. And then the other part of the reason was recognizing more than half my life is over. More than half my life is over. Maybe. Maybe. Yes. Let's not give you a death Sentence on this podcast. Not yet. Not yet. And so if half my life is over, what the fuck? Like, what the hell? How do I want to live the rest of my life? And that was a bit of a wake up call because it's like my body doesn't like the way I've been running it for 15, 20 years. My mind doesn't like it. I've learned a lot. Hell, yeah. But now there was this inner kind of sense of like, nope, we need to change things around because our nervous system, we're, you know, I'm driving it down into the ground. And there's another. There's a third component of this and the third. Actually four components. The third component was there's something that I'm preparing for right now that I don't know. Right. I don't know what that is. I'm preparing for something that requires my nervous system to be in a place of receiving and of calm and of easefulness. I don't know what that is, but that is part of the process. And the other part of the process is my partner is so calm. So calm and patient. And it's not the performative patience. I was just thinking that, yeah, it's. Not the performative calm. It's not the. That kind of perception point. It is the actual deep, masculine, I am calm from the inside out situation. Is he human? I'm like 99. Sure. Okay. He's. He's very freaking calm. And he's my first partner that's ever been an introvert. And that took me a minute to kind of get used to because I've never had a partner who was an introvert. And what I've learned, especially the first six, seven months of our relationship, it was kind of like, oh, I'm very uncomfortable with his quiet. I'm uncomfortable with his peacefulness. I thought there was something wrong, and I was like, this can't be him. He's faking it. Yeah, right? And I learned as the times went on, I was like, oh, my God. He is literally his passion. His hobby is bonsai trees. So he cultivates bonsai trees. Amazing. He is actually a tree. He's deeply rooted. Deeply rooted and very strong and very sturdy. That is organically who he is. There's no performance about it whatsoever. It's beautiful. And that's that fourth point where I was like, wow. When I'm with him, yes, my nervous system is calm, but it's a completely different level of easefulness and quiet. I feel with him. If I compare it to My other partners. Because he's, He's. He is that. He's embodying it. Yeah, he's embodying it. That's the biggest thing. There's no performance there. That is who he is. He's a. He's a big old tree. I can't wait to meet him. So I'm so excited for you to meet him. Okay. I have. We're going. We're going in a different direction a little bit. I feel like this has been just so amazing and I feel like people are getting so much from this and I want to transition a little bit to how, you know, what are you doing now? How can people work with you? What is. Not that we're going to wrap it up quite yet, but just tell me about your work with others. Why do people come to you like that sort of thing? Sure. I think the one thing I've come to realize as time has gone on is I'm upfront. I'm upfront. I help people and assist people with establishing their boundaries while they understand their why and stepping away from the how. Like, don't worry about the how. The how will get done. Yeah, the how will get done. Why? Why are you doing what you're doing? Because that's going to tell us what you're actually devoted to versus what you think you're committed to. So that's kind of the reason for it. I'm also really funny. Like, it's a good time. You are really funny. And I think that you kind of have embodied. I'm going to use that word again, even though I used to really hate that word. I used to find it so cringy, but now I kind of like it. It's cringy when it's certain folk. But anyway, you emulate safety. I feel like you're such a safe person. Like you're just. And that caring that maybe was like too much when you were younger for you. I just think that that has been incorporated into, you know, who you are. So. Yeah, I really. I really, really see that. And are you working with people one on one? Are you doing more group programs? You know, all that sort of thing? Yeah, right now it is one on one and best place to find me is on Instagram. I will link all link. Appropriate links. Yeah. Awesome. And then I have a website and stuff too. So best way, the most. The deep work happens in the one on ones. Yeah. Down the line I will be having some more group stuff happening that I'll be doing like Self Mastery 101 and stuff like that. But the really, really deep work, that also means in my, in my opinion and what I've seen, it's the most efficient. It's the one on one work. It's always going to be more efficient and what I say is a bigger bang for the buck kind of situation. I feel one on ones are a lot more potent. It's potent for me too, because as much as I am in a space of giving and providing, I also get a lot of beautiful from the client too. They, they, you know, they say that, you know, you, you don't self proclaim yourself as a teacher. It's a student. That makes you the teacher. Right. And I think that is, that is what happens. I'm just here as a conduit for someone to just have a better time while we're here. Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, I think you and I are sort of aligned in that is that like we just both want life to be a little more easeful and more enjoyable and less fraught. I think, you know, because I think that we're in this season in the world where things are going to be fiery for a while and that's sort of unavoidable. But like we were saying in the beginning of this conversation, what you resist persists. So I don't. Is that, where is that saying from? I have no idea. Sorry, whoever came up with that. But yeah, it's been on my mind a lot because we've been in a very stressful time of life and there's some very big life things that I had no interest in ever experiencing in this lifetime that are happening and it's like, okay, okay, cool. They're happening. Right? And it's really, really true that how we react to everything is everything. Right? Because it's just true. But also, I want to talk a minute. Okay, after that little ramble, here's where I came to. Let's talk about the nervous system for a sec before I let you go. Because I do think that's really important and I really want your perspective because it's such a hot topic. Right. It's all I see all over Instagram. Nervous system this, nervous system that. And I know it's super important, but I also feel like we're in a. We're in danger of it being sort of like social media lies. I made that up. I'm so smart. So please, like, let's talk about that for a second. I'm going to use that all the time. Social media lies. It's Great. I'm going to use that too. I'm going to use that too. It's really good. Yes, you are 100% correct. Nervous system regulation is like the hot topic. It's the new book, such a hot topic. So hot right now. And I think that as people, like the different people who do talk about it, I think once you get deeper into some of their content, you will find that they're talking about the fundamental of that nervous system, which is your endocrine system, that is the chemical pathways that then is creating a fight or flight response for your nervous system. So I will say one of the biggest elements to have a regulated nervous system, not a calm nervous system. Because this assumption we have that we need to be calm all the time and that means that our nervous system is good, is total bullshit. Yeah, who the hell stays calm all the time this day and age? No, that's not a thing. Nor do we want to. I mean, I don't believe that. Like, yeah, excitement is a, is something we want to feel. We want to be able to feel the full spectrum, but if our nervous system's out of balance, we can't. Right? So yeah, absolutely. You want to be able to have the full spectrum, but also the full expression of each emotion. So in, in what I've seen and what I personally feel is the number one thing that I think is important, which I know you know very well, is is. And I've seen this with all of my clients, is getting your mineralization, right? Because they're the things that are electrically conducting everything that's going on. And your emotions are not some abstract woo woo shit, right? There are biochemical reactions happening in your body. So if emotions and feelings are biochemical reactions happening in your body, how are you doing biochemically? Are you getting enough freaking magnesium? Like what's going on? Right? So we got to look at some simple element of that. It doesn't have to be big. We look at that system, basic system, and then we look at what you're doing every single day. And we always round come back to devotion. We always come back to self mastery and skillful living. Right? Skillful living might be a better term to use here because every single day, can you take five minutes and just do something to just breathe a little bit, put your feet out on the ground. This is not new information. Everybody says this, right? Everybody talks about it, but the embodiment of it happens in order to help regulate the nervous system is when we put practice in motion. And so regulating that nervous system Is about, okay, I'm feeling anger. Can I go express that anger somewhere? Yeah, go do it. Right. That's regulating it. Am I an inanimate object? Yeah. Throw a rock somewhere. Probably not at a person. Go throw rocks at the ground. Yeah, exactly. So that's what nervous system regulation is. Have the emotion, understand what you need to do in order to express it. That's regulating your emotion. And that's what we need to do. Once you have like a proper understanding of your biochem, I think that's it. And I feel like, okay, let's talk a little bit about people that are, you know. The other thing that I see that's like such a hotel button right now is like being stuck in XYZ in terms of your nervous system. So let's talk a little bit about. You know, being stuck in fight or flight or being stuck in freeze. And how does that play out? Because if someone's in that state, they might not have access to regulation. It's easier to learn things when you are calm and relaxed than trying to activate your brain to do something different when you're like angry or frustrated or activated. So this is why that daily practice becomes so key. Because when you do a daily simple five minute practice, whatever you want to do, that helps you kind of connect with your heart, your soul, whatever you want to call it. Connect with the earth. I don't whatever source, that is the prescription. Because that is what's going to. When you get stuck in an emotion, when you're going into another loop, even if it's a thought loop, that practice is going to zoom on in. Maybe in the first time it intercepts just for like three seconds. The next time it'll intercept for two minutes. So when we are feeling we're stuck in something, we're in that loop. We want to find a way to kind of get our system to express whatever that is. And being in a frozen nervous system is the most difficult one to get out of. And the frozen nervous system will literally have you sitting on the couch for days. For days. So if you know that is part of your nervous system. We gotta have a game plan. We gotta have a game plan. We gotta understand who are the other people. Because that's one of our biggest issues, especially in the West. Stop being so hyper independent. Stop being so hyper fixated on your individualism. Branch out who your support structures. You got someone who can send you a text and be like, I'm kind of frozen on my couch. Nervous system reset. The person knocks on a door and takes you on a walk. Instant reset. Yeah. Right. So we have to look at those components as well. There's. There's layers to all of this work. And I think one of the issues we have with social media lies Asian, as you said, is this, again, hyper fixation. That. Just do these three things and you'll work. And it's like, that's not how that works. We are layered creatures. We're not. We may not become. We may not be, like, complicated, but we are complex. Yeah. And if you're me, just watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and wait for Luke Perry, the Angel version, because he's no longer with us to come and rescue you. That seems to work for me just fine. Maybe not in motherhood, but yeah. Rajni. Oh, thank you. This has been just, like, so fun. I have a million other questions that I want to talk to you about, so maybe we have to do this again because I want to talk to you about parenthood. I know that that's something you're passionate about. And, yeah, I think it'll be a great conversation. So I hope we can make the space to do that. But before I let you go, I have a question, which is, what are you making space for right now in. Your life, in this moment, this last one week? I'll tell you, great question. Besides sourdough. The one thing I'm making space for right now is no activity. Ooh, good one. No, I can't define that, though. What does that even, like, no books, Nothing. No, no, I need my books. I need my books. I'm talking activity. Like, I don't need to go for my 30 minute walk today. I don't need to sit and write my newsletter for the next few weeks and schedule out. I don't. I don't do any of that. That's it. If I feel like I want to go down to the coffee shop and read my book there, that's what I'm gonna do. That's what I do. I love that. That's awesome. Oh, I love you so much. Thank you so much for being here. This is a long time coming and I'm glad that we made this space today. And I will put all of the links. Definitely. Please go follow Rajneet on Instagram. Do it for yourself. She's not a social media lyzer. Just kidding. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I'll say goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. It was so much fun, babe. This was great. Thank you for having me. I love you. Talk to you Later. Bye. Thanks, friends. Thanks for listening. You can find all of the links to how to connect with Rajni in the show notes of this episode. If you are driving, please go back. And check those out later. I highly recommend. And getting into Rajni's world, she's just really, really walking the talk. Okay. She is walking that talking. Anyway, thank you again and yeah, I highly suggest you connect with Rajni. I already said that. Man, I am killing it today in these intros and outros. Just killing it. Okay, so yeah, I'm just gonna give you a little feng shui situation. I don't even know what, what I'm going to talk about, man. It is so tempting to delete this and go back when I can speak more clearly and have this be polished. But you know what? I'm just really feeling the authenticity vibe lately. And let's talk about that from a feng shui perspective. So I just finished up a report for a one on one client. This was the first report I've done in my new iteration of how I'm doing doing reports. And I really underestimated how long this was going to take, to be perfectly honest. You know, not that I think about. Things in terms of like how long they're going to take, but I do because when I'm trying to set a fair price that is going to nurture me, which, you know, prices should. Right. And also provide value for my clients so that they feel like, wow, that was really quote, unquote worth it. I got to think about time because it's important. So I thought this would take maybe like 4ish hours. 5, 4, 4 to 5 hours of. Time, you know, total. And it took more like six or seven hours, maybe eight. So yeah, it's just, it's just what I want to do. I want to go deep and I don't even know why I'm blabbering on about this. I had a point. Oh, I know, because one of the themes that emerged in this, this report as I was getting into it and I never really know what's going to emerge once I've gathered all the information and sit down with it. But one of the themes that did emerge was, is the home reflecting. Is this person's home reflecting more of. Who they were or who they are. And who are they becoming? Most importantly, who are they becoming? And I firmly believe this. It's tricky though, right, because nostalgia is part of the human experience and it's beautiful, right? We can look at a picture and have a feeling or you know, Have a stuffed animal that reminds us of something or. Yeah, I don't know why a stuffed animal was my example. I think because I have a two year old. But anything really. A shirt in a closet, a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, cutlery dishes, a chipped mug, right? So it's this very delicate balance of refinement, really. That is my big word this year. For all of you that are feng. Shui, curious or even feng shui, more than curious is refinement. Because that is just an energy that can serve us so well when it comes to looking at the stuff in our home. It's not about like getting rid of everything in a fiery, chaotic swoop, right? It's not about completely throwing it all away and starting over, but it is, it is about refinement. It's about going through your belongings with intention and really asking the question, is this in service of who I am becoming or is this holding me back? And if it's not in service of who you are becoming and it's not holding you back, what is that energy doing? Right? Like, is that energy something that you like and is nostalgic in a good way, or is that something that, that's holding you to a different version of yourself? For example, I have some posters from, you know, when I was really into circus that I love and that are beautiful and that really just make me feel fondly about that time in my life. However, if I were to plaster, I can't speak again today, plaster my whole situation with circus memorabilia, it would probably be reflecting a time in my life that is no longer, longer congruent with who I am now. So that, that's my tip for you today, is to really walk around and slowly. This can take a long time and that's totally cool. But to always have that mindset, even expired food in the fridge or some, you know, like I'm just thinking about this packet of something that I have that I probably will never eat, but it's new and it feels horrible to throw it away. So I have to find a better way to allow that to move forward. That's a really simple example of how even something like a food you probably will never eat again is subtly holding you in an energy situation that you are no longer in. And all of those things matter. Everything in your home matters. Okay, that was my little feng shui moment for you. I am wrapping up next week. I am wrapping up the free Lucky Home Home Challenge. It started off as nine days, it turned into 27. There's nine days of content. If you want to join, you still can head over to my Instagram spacewithcody C O D Y. You will definitely find it there in the links. I am also soon going to be opening the doors to my course. Oop. Hello my lucky home blueprint course. This is going to be a 90 day deep dive experience. Limited spots so that I can have personal attention on everybody. We're really going to go into a lot of different concepts of Feng shui, yin yang, balance, the five elements, the Ba Gua map, all of the heavy hitters and we're going to go deep. So I would love to have you in that course as well. I will put the linkity dinkity. Oh my God. Please allow me to never say that again in the show notes here. Man. Yeah. 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